A Three episode premiere huh? I mean I appreciate we didn't have to wait three weeks for this entire set up, but it is a lot to sit through three one hour episodes to just write one Article, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
This season is finally going towards a full on deranged Homelander for the proof of that all you need to see is the Final scene where he finally decides to go "home" or the place where he was raised in a test tube.
Or the first scene where he is very closely observing his Grey pubes, or the middle scene where he has an entire bottle full of his Grey pubes.
Homelander's grey pubes... that is not a sentence I thought I would be typing out today.
Speaking of pubes however, this season is supremely obsessed with dicks, like for example, that one scene where splinter is... Splintering into many duplicates of himself but obviously because it is the boys it is super gross and his clothes tear apart because of course they do.
And here we have a bunch of men with their dongs on full display...
O... Or...
GET UP AND BLOW A TRAIN...
Y...you know I guess they had to find a way to bring in sister sage but for that you had to find a reason for Homelander to want to listen and a good way for that is to show that he is tired of being surrounded by yes people...
But there could have been a better way to make that point... But you know what?
Then it wouldn't be the boys.
I mean at least Ashley seems excited by it.
These three episodes obsession with dicks aside, this premiere seems to be setting up mainly the contrast and divide between Ryan and Homelander and how Homelander is going insane but Ryan can still be saved.
Even though... Man... You really put that through crimson countesses ass man...
I mean I guess it's a good time way to publicize Homelander appearing in Mortal Kombat.
However the C.I.A. are just being real cunts, as Butcher would say and they want to train Ryan to be a weapon against Homelander, by giving him Halothane? My guys then you have a bigger problem on you hands who will handle.... Ohhhh...
It's a metaphor for america creating it's own terrorists...
Gotcha ...
Which a lot of this episode is a metaphor all in all.
Starlighters are left and Hometeamers are right which okay I get that dichotomy but I would presume there would be good and bad people on both sides no? This show has clearly taken a side... Like okay... Starlight is good but in a riot situation why is it that her side is only getting beaten up and and not doing any of the beating?
It's a riot... Anyways...
Starlighters are set up by killing three Hometeamers, at the hands of A train, the Deep and Black Noir... Who yes, is back and is played by a stand in and is in total contrast to the original Noir, I mean this guy just straight up is sleeping...
And I don't think he is Sam from Gen V as he sounds a little different... Or maybe he doesn't.. but we see him and Cate later in a separate shot from the trailers... Really I thought they would be in the new team but I guess it's really just Sister Sage and Firecracker.
Which speaking of her.
They really show something interesting with her as she was in the same Pageant circuits as Star Light until Star Li... Or sorry, Annie January spread a Rumour that Firecracker had an Ass fuck gangbang with the Judges.
And then told her she doesn't talk to Fat Sluts... Whoo that's a Vendetta.
I mean she did pay her back by telling she didn't have to blow anyone to get this far, which, cold move...
And then proceeds to offer herself to Homelander.
And this showing of a Darker side to Starlight really makes me think that in the future they will show the darker side to Starlight Lighters as well, as you see, their existence is important, you divide the country down the middle and then you swoop in and save the scraps and get to be the Hero.
Like Ceasar.
And it is an interesting angle that this show can explore that somewhere, Starlight also had a hand in forming that divide, like imagine the Irony...
And speaking of Irony it is Ironic that the most epic gross white wanna be fuckboi is paired with the black intelligent woman, but it also somehow makes sense, but I think she killed Ambrosia, the octopus that the Deep is in a relationship with, and I think this is an Angle she is playing.
Just like Firecracker being brought in is to control Homelander, as Firecracker and Homelander are clearly going to hook up.
I mean they show it as she is a way to get back at Starlight socially, through conspiracy theories and what not, which are obviously based on real life conspiracy theories like the pizza-gate conspiracy.
What is that ah yes, a conspiracy about a child trafficking ring run from a pizza shop's basement, which doesn't have a basement.
I bring up that one in particular because just like in real life a Hometeamer with a Gun shows up at Starlight's shelter with a Gun to "Free the Children"
I mean also, Cheese Pizza... that's a direct call out.
And Child traffickers are what trigger Kimiko to drink one, no six, no eight beers... or maybe more... and they are all A-Train themed, you sure that's safe?
And then we see Splinter Jacking off to a photo of Firecracker, okay...
And Frenchie and Kimiko are the King and Queen of saying absolutely fucked up shit or doing absolutely fucked up shit but making it all cutesy.
Like Kimiko, talking about killing the Shining light Liberation army but being super cute about it, because her therapist asked her to "face her past".
And also Kimiko, killing the Shining light liberation Army but due to some hallucinogens Frenchie took, he sees the blood as rubber ducks, yeah thanks autocorrect(lets see how many people get the full extent of this joke).
But then Frenchie goes off the deep end and Hallucinates every one he killed along with having killed his current lovers Family, which yes, he is a man, Frenchie is Bi let's get over it, there were hints of it in season 2 where it felt like the guy who overdosed, Cherrie and Frenchie are Polyamorous.
And that scene reminded me of Moon Knight where there is a room in the Duat ship where Marc Spectre sees all the people that he has killed.
Also Why would you take those Hallucinogens my guy those are not fun.
Everything is political guys.
Speaking of Everything being political, let's put the Christ back in Christmas...
And oh no... Jesus is killing people...
You know, it is interesting, that in a scene where Homelander is the one who looses control and accidentally lasers off an ice dancer in half, Jesus is the one killing off more people and causing Damage, like he cuts off one person's fingers, and slices a person's throat.
I don't think anyone got encouraged to join Ice dancing after that...
Choose nice and safe hobbies guys.
I'm kidding, do whatever you like.
But it is worth it though, because we got a straight up horror scene with Homelander where he just straight up chases Hughie through the ventilation after he is stuck in a Mission impossible-esque situation where a bead of sweat falls from his nose.
But unlike mission impossible, he can't catch it, and Homelander smells him, which I did have a little trouble suspending my disbelief in that scene, because how can he not Just listen to the heartbeat, but my answer to that is, there are a lot of heart beats and he probably had the Superman training of honing his senses to block out unnecessary stuff, and also he was distracted.
But regardless A-train becomes the unlikely savior, but actually likely if you look at it from another angle, because he has been going through his arc of being disillusioned by Vought and coming closer and closer to actually giving a Shit, espescially since he sees his path has pushes his brother away, the one thing in this world that he cared about.
Over all this was just as shocking and political as ever, and I can't get enough of it, especially, say it with me,
Homelander's Grey Pubes.
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